


Our soulmates weren't for us

by ming_kitty



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7167506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ming_kitty/pseuds/ming_kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jongdae wasn't lucky. </p>
<p>|| Please consider that my english is not really stable, so feel free to point my eventual grammar errors. Soulmate - AU||</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

Jongdae doesn’t know when everything became like this. At first, he liked Yixing. He thought he looked good since the day one. Later, they were put in the same team, sometimes even in the same dorm or hotel room. They shared everything, even socks and sometimes even underwear - it was one time and Jongdae totally forgot to bring three pairs of boxers, and they were clean and he returned them clean-.

  
So when he received his soulmate tattoo, he already knew how to read Zhang Yixing written in chinese characters. He was overly exited to actually show his friend -soulmate?- the tattoo, but thought it’s better to wait until Yixing will get his. So he hided it. He actually searched and watched a tutorial on youtube for it, and some scotch tape and makeup did a great job.

  
He didn’t tell anyone, other members nor the company. Especially not the company.

  
He waited. He waited and waited and fell more in love with Yixing, the more he stayed behind him, looking forward to the day he will also get his tattoo. He watched Yixing getting close with Baekhyun, but that was ok because in the end, he will get his tattoo and their bond will be even stronger.

  
So when Yixing came, one morning, in their room after his shower, whisper yelling at him happy, he knew that finally, it happned. Yixing knew they were meant to be together like Jongdae always felt. He got up from his bed, willing to see his name on his beloved soulmate wrist.  
Except it wasn’t his name.

  
It was Baekhyun’s.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

The problem wasn’t that Yixing drifted apart from him. But that he didn’t. They were still friends. Best friends. They still shared their room, sometimes just the socks, and Yixing still talked to him like nothing happened. Because Yixing’s heart didn’t broke, like Jongdae’s.  
Yixing still talked to him and still laughed next to him. And he couldn’t stand it, because instead of hating, he fell more in love. Everytime he saw him, more and more. He stood next to him, hearing him saying Baekhyun’s name with so much love that Jongdae fell like throwing up, knowing it wasn’t his name. But he still stood, he stood there and listened and smiled the largest and the fakest smile he could give.

  
And Jongdae took care of Yixing. After half of EXO-M left, he took care that Yixing wasn’t the next. He made sure that Yixing felt loved. Even if that meant to listen to him speaking about Baekhyun for an hour. Because Jongdae loved him, he loved Yixing and he had to bear.  
Even when Yixing got in a fight with Baekhyun - after the latter got his tattoo too, it was the same as Jongdae’s- and he had to go out, not to cry in the dorm, he was so messed up that he called Jongdae and he told him, between hiccups, that he doesn’t really know where he is and it’s raining and he doesn’t know what to do.

  
Even then Jongdae told him to stay where he is, because he was coming after him.

  
Even then Jongdae ran through torrential rain with a cap and a mask of his face, even then he held Yixing tight in his arms even though a scream coiled up in his throat.

  
He stayed with Yixing under a bridge, until the rain stoped pouring and Yixing stoped crying, until Jongdae didn’t know if he’s wet from the rain or from the tears. Until they were able to return to the dorm, and Baekhyun jumped in front of them immediately, pouring about how sorry he was and how he didn’t meant to say what he said. Jongdae saw Yixing smiling again because of some words, his eyes burning and his throat being tortured by the need of crying, so he ran into the bathroom and took an hour-and-a-half shower, ignoring Junmyeon, and he cried under the water until he didn’t know how to breathe anymore.

  
And even though he stayed a week in bed with high fever and Yixing looked sometimes to preoccupied with Baekhyun, as long as Yixing was smiling, _everything was ok_.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Begging of a new era? I want to remind you that this is purely fictional and everything here is not real, Baekhyun didn't stole anything and every EXO members is talented and deserves the world, not just some solos. Chen and Baekhyun are really good friends but I needed someone to trigger Jongdae's jelousy and Baekhyun seemed to be the one who fitted the most.

Sometimes, Jongdae feels sick. Like right now, listening to Yixing talking about Baekhyun. About how good, how beautiful, how talented, how perfect Baekhyun, Yixing’s soulmate, is.

Baekhyun just got a solo album. Jongdae knew, he knew deep inside of him that no, this wasn’t his album, he wasn’t even meant to have one. Baekhyun was. Baekhyun was more funny and more charismatic and he was meant to have a solo album.

But the only thing Jongdae had was his voice, his beautiful, precious voice, and he loved to sing. The only thing that he loved more than Yixing was to sing. So yes, he knew that this wasn’t Baekhyun’s fault, that it wasn’t his album, but it still hurt.

Jongdae felt awful for thinking like that about his friend, his once bestfriend, but he couldn’t help it.

Sometimes, he feels like his world is pulled from under his feet, and he’s falling, falling hard. He feels like drowning, and his eyes are burning with tears, his throat  is so dry but he feels like throwing up. He’s angry, he’s sad, and the only thing Yixing can talk about is how perfect his Baekie is. And he hates himself but can’t help than to think that no, Baekhyun took fucking everything from him, his album and his songs and his love and his Yixing.

Everything.

“Hyung, shut the fuck up.”

He had enough. If only Yixing could shut the fuck up for five minutes about Baekhyun, if only he could be let to calm himself, he would cry for three minutes in the bathroom and scream into a towel, and everything would be okay.

Yixing looked at him, his eyes big and surprised. If only Jongdae could stop falling in love again and again, if only it didn’t hurt this much. To see everything he wants, everything he loves, being taken away from him. Yixing wasn’t his to begin with, but it still hurt to see other arms wrapped around him, other lips kissing him, it hurt and Jongdae wanted it to stop already.

“Jongdae, what’s going on?”

Nothing.

“Please, stop talking about him.” was the only thing he could say.

“He’s my soulmate, Jongdae, I’m sure you’re going to have yours and…”

His voice was so calm. So calm it drove Jongdae insane.

“Yixing, please shut… shut your fucking mouth already!”

He might yelled. Yixing was on the point of saying something else but the sudden scream silenced him. Why was Jongdae like this?

Jongdae couldn’t even look Yixing in the eyes. He got up the bed and ran, stormed out the door and out the dorm with his shoes and his jacket in his hand. He wanted to be alone, to be left alone because he needed to calm himself.

He didn’t need Yixing, even though the older called him twice. He didn’t need Joonmyun, even though he answered his call, telling him that _yes, he’s ok, he just needs some air, he’s sorry, he’ll take care, just leave him alone for a couple of hours._

 

After crying his eyes out, after walking and running around until his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer, after all of this, he came back to the dorm with just one thought in his mind.

_That he has to leave._


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn’t easy.

It wasn’t easy to decide. Was he really that selfish to leave his bandmates, the ones that loved him and protected him, like that? Was he ready to start again on his own? Was he ready to face SM anger? Was he fucking ready to leave Yixing behind, like he doesn’t even have his name printed on his wrist forever? 

Two months without any solo activities for him and three fights with Yixing later, he found himself being able to decide.

He decided, but his soul was still feeling weighted. Weighted with guilt, weighted with all of those mixed feeling. He felt like a traitor, he felt weak for not being able to sustain his bandmates dream. How is he supposed to say to Joonmyeon, the one who trained for so long and waited behind all of this time, that he was going to leave because of a selfish will? How is he going to told Chanyeol and Baekhyun that he can’t be a part of Beagle Line anymore, that they have to carry on on their own? How is he going to say Kyungsoo that they won’t be able to sing next to each other ever again, not as long as Kyugnsoo is in EXO? How is he going to say to Minseok, his precious friend Minseok, that he is going to leave him behind, when they promised, as the only koreans in EXO-M, that they’re going to stick together? How is he going to face Sehun and Jongin, when he will told them that he’s leaving, that he won’t be there to take care of them and to make them laugh?

How is he, the person that is still deeply enamored with his soulmate, going to tell Yixing, now the love of his life, that he’s parting ways?

All those thoughts came to him in waves, hitting him and making him lose balance as he stumbles to the bathroom. He’s alone in the dorm, but still locks the door for safety. He’s used to crying, these days and the ones before them, and he is surprised that his body is still able to form the tears that start falling on his cheeks.

He can’t stop feeling like this, a traitor and a selfish bastard. He is so, so tired of all the things that are happening. He’s tired of pretending, pretending to feel good and to be happy for his bandmates solo activities; pretending not to be hurt when he sees Yixing stealing kisses from Baekhyun, when he hears Yixing mumbling in his sleep Baekhyun’s name, when he sees the love Yixing has in his eyes for someone that isn’t him.

He called Luhan before. Two days ago, to ask him about his departure. They talked for an hour, Jongdae finding himself pouring word after word about his fate, he forgot how close they used to be, how much he used to love Luhan for his ability of listening.

He called Luhan before, and after babbling on the phone, Luhan gave his advise. He started with how hard it would be, how he would need to brace himself because he will get hate, a lot of it, he will get a lot of hurtful words, mentions of suicide, people that said they would do anything for him turning their backs.

But if the situation really is how Jongdae described it, if he really hurts the way he does, he should leave.

Now he can’t call Luhan again.

He felt his heart shrinking.  Becoming smaller and smaller but he still felt like he can’t breathe. Like his chest is too little to give him enough place to take a normal breath.

He had to call someone or he will pass out right there, on the bathroom floor, with the door locked.

And maybe his members won’t come home until it’s too late and everything would be done.

But no, the thought of this made his heart beat even harder and oh god, he really feels like he’s going to pass out now.

He called Yifan.

Luhan and Yifan talked constantly so he imagined that Yifan would know. He always feels safe beside Yifan.  Maybe because he was so much taller than him. Maybe because he always took care of Jongdae, as he did to all his members. Yifan was like an older brother to him and right now, he really needed him by his side.

_“Jongdae, are you ok?”_

Jongdae would laugh at the question if he wasn’t choking on breaths. Always so protective.

“N-No. I can’t stop… stop crying and thinking and… pl-please help me, hyung.”

Just hearing Yifan breath in the phone made Jongdae feel better.

_“Where are you? Are you alone?”_

His korean was lacking and sounded funny but Jongdae felt like home, felt like he was 20 again and he felt a wave take him again, he felt light headed. Maybe calling Yifan wasn’t the best idea, maybe it was better to lay on the cold floor face down until everything turned white.

_“Jongdae? Can you hear me?”_

He remembered he didn’t answer Yifan’s question.

“I’m- I’m in the dorm bathroom. Y-Yes, I’m alone, hyung.”

_“Tell me what’s wrong.”_

He was now sure Yifan talked to Luhan, so it was no use in lying.

He told everything again. About the mark. How he was so happy, and then how the happiness turned into agony and every single day he felt like breaking apart.

“I… I don’t want to leave the band. I love them all so much… but I can’t. I can’t take this anymore, hyung. Just seeing Yixing hyung makes my body weak, how could I live like this?”

_“Jongdae, listen here. Do you ever thought I didn’t love you like I would love a little brother. Even after I left?”_

The question was confusing, like the sudden change of subject.

“N-No?”

_“Same with you. The members won’t blame you, won’t stop loving you. It will be fine.  You can’t go on living like this. I love you, Jongdae, and I don’t want to see you hurting.“_

He was glad he talked to Yifan. His deep voice alone could calm him. He was glad. On the bathroom floor, cold against his feet, with sweat almost frozen of his forehead, he was glad eh had Yifan and his brothers.


End file.
